I ruin everything. Relationships, career, even my breakfast tastes a bit...odd.
I don't want that anymore. I honestly don't. It's been happening for too long already and I'm honestly getting fed up with it. It's a recipe for disaster.
A friend of mine spoke to me recently about her struggle with depression. She's gone through a rough patch lately after breaking up with a guy she thought would, probably, spend the rest of her life with. To someone like her, this was a huge deal. She's one of those types who never really settle down and think about any sort of long term commitments other than binge watching her favorite tv show, not to mention relationships, so I knew this time was serious.
They've been dating for about 2 years, in secret, until they eventually decided to make it official. He even left his former wive and decided to start anew. I suppose that pretty much sums it up.
Long story short - they broke up as soon as things reached the point they set out for their relationship.
All that got me into thinking...Was it just a set of misfortunate events that lead to such outcome or was it all about the excitement of wanting something unattainable in the first place?
As it turns out, it might be a pinch of both.
What kind of behavior is this?
It's hard to spot a universal pattern for every single malfunctioning coping mechanism out there, however, it is possible to acknowledge a common underlying theme that drives our behavior in specific set of circumstances. There is something overpowering that challenges our perspective on things we find important and makes us give in on self doubt and do things we otherwise wouldn't go for.
Have you ever set out a goal or started doing something to improve a certain aspect of your life, only to find yourself thinking or worrying about how it's all going to go down soon after, almost...wishing for the worst outcome to come into play?
If you have ever experienced something remotely similar, you have served yourself a rather unhealthy course.
Why is that?
Although that's not always the case, most of the times it's merely due to the lack of a reasonable amount of self esteem.
We all struggle with low self image from time to time and that's perfectly normal, but if there's something that renders you unable to move beyond self doubt, you need to ask yourself why is that the case.
"We sabotage the great things in our lives because deep down we don't feel worthy of having the great things."
How stay out of your way?
In order to put things back into perspective, write down a list of things you find the most compelling about yourself and try to work with it. Think of all the things you could apply those set of features to and see where it takes you. I'm positive there's a certain quality about you that you can hold onto, but you might need to do some digging first.
Think hard - Are you a good listener? Are you able to sense the mood of other people? Would you say that pairing socks is your superpower? Cool, write that down!
Once you have that "Aha!" moment and really tap into your frequency, you will bear witness to things changing for the better, shaping into something you may use as a daily reminder.
Reclaiming your self worth
It is important to count your blessings. Things may not be perfect as they are, but in all honestly, it could've gone way worse.
I know it's a hard thing to learn to appreciate, something that is seemingly so trivial it easily slips under the scope of your attention, but this is the very foundation of reaching that state of self content that would empower you to grasp onto greater things in life. You have to reassure your strengths through as many daily activities as you get the chance to. As often as you can.
Only when you learn to stay mindful about what makes you stand out, you will be able to reclaim your self worth and learn to appreciate yourself.
One day at a time
I'm not saying that all of the above will work for everyone, but it's definitely worth a try. We are all equipped with different mindsets and some people might have a harder time coping with this sort of issues. In such cases, they might need to reach out to a professional and go through therapy. Don't ever feel bad for admitting you might need some help along the way.
To others, I advice to go for it. There's not really much to loose and definitely a thing or two to gain. So why not make it your daily thing?
One thing for sure - trying to resolve the issue you're struggling with on your own might give you the necessary push toward becoming a more sustainable version of yourself. If you fail at it, that's alright. Learn to seek help once you run out of options, however, make sure that's really the case.
Also, learn how to stay mindful about things when the occasion arrises. I guess that pretty much sums it up.
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